So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
