i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
love makes seman taste better
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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