FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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