Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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