Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
