i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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