my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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