I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
