he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
