so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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