First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
