i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
