Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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