WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize