Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
