You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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