So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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