I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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