i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
someone owes me an orgasm
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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