oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
