I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize