my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
