btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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