Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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