it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
farters have to be the big spoon...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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