I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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