I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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