ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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