you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
