i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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