Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
