Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
