I hate all girls vehemently.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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