Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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