You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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