is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
