I hope mine doesn't look like that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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