I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
