So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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