i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
