party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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