I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
