I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
