): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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