so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
