I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
