I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
