He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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