there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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