I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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