Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
