I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
