Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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