So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
