She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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