She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
