i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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