you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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