Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
