Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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