I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
