i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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