dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
