Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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