Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
