what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Found the puke drawer
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
