Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
