She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
