Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize