Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize