Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She said her name was "party"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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