just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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