I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
