Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
