Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
